OCTOBER 2008

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Last Medicine
By Peter Schwartz, Jul 22, 2008

Today the doctors voted on going post-modern. Instead of vaccines or sedatives they prescribe rubber alligators and condoms filled with bubble gum. The lawyers react perhaps a little too poetically to be effective. The city streets burn like gonorrhea. A nun in Argentina makes the rather startling connection between coffee and Satanism.

The effects are varied. Some bloom like mushrooms while others rot like dog teeth. An ex-astronaut teaches his children to make heroin from garbage. The police plant flowers on the ruins of bus shelters. Sixteen thousand people dye their hair green and the stock market giggles.

The oceans sigh as we readjust the stars to better fit inside the darkness of our laptops. Cough syrup goes through the roof. Parents everywhere use root beer as baby formula but the next generation only grows stronger. Every single human hope is placed in a silver kayak buried at the tip of Iceland.

The rest of us simply learn to sleep very, very well. But please, no need for postcards, you’re already here too.