By Sam Pink, Feb 04, 2008

After dropping off a few books at the library I went to the drive though for lunch. A long line of cars stalled on the main road out of town. It was lunchbreak for everyone.

“Hi, can I take your order?” the voice said.

“Yeah, hold on.”

I surveyed the menu.

“All right. Hello?”

“Yes sir. What can I get for you?”

“Hmmm, I just read that your Spicy Chicken Sandwich will take me south of the border. Is that true?”

“One Spicy Chicken. Anything else?”

“No, I was just curious if I will be mysteriously transported to Mexico or Canada I guess.”

“Negative sir. Would you like a Spicy Chicken or no?”

“Well hold on now. That changes everything.”

“It really doesn’t change that much.”

“Maybe, maybe. All right, how about the Big Burger? It says it is exploding with flavor.”

“It is pretty tasty.”


“But no, you won’t actually explode.”

“So I don’t have to worry about my head bursting into pieces and staining my car?”

“No sir.”

“Okay, because it would be pointless to buy the sandwich if I am going to die.”

“Good point. I’ll amend the menu.”

“And the Radical Ranch Dippers. How radical are they exactly because I’m supposed to be on a diet.”

“Let me check.”

(shuffling sounds)

“Ok, da da da, here it is Radical Ranch Dippers. They have twice the amount of radical of most other places.”

“Trans radical or what?”

“I don’t know what that means. Sir?”


“Please order I already hate my life and this is making it more apparent.”

A man behind me honked and I drove away.

I took the side roads and toured the town for an hour. I yelled things at people who were walking. I yelled things like “hey” and “fucker” and I yelled them loudly so the people would be startled.

After circling around the blocks and yelling at all the people I saw, I pulled over in front of someone’s house and got out. I walked along the road until I saw a drainage grill along the curb. I took out my driver’s license and keys and everything else in my pocket and threw it into the drainage grill. I listened for a moment as the water hissed below.

Then I sat on the curb with my elbows on my knees.

His name is Sam Pink and you can visit him at his blog.